Monday, May 9, 2011

Following God's heart: Tricities

This is my first blog in quite some time. A lot has happened since then. I won't go into details, but God has definitely changed my entire life.
I am living in Richland, Washington now, in the Tricities!

I am beginning to understand that God doesn't necessarily do what is popular, or easy. I moved here about a month ago and a few people were unhappy about that decision. If I am being honest, it broke my heart that my moving wasn't a universal idea of excitement. As I am sitting here in my living room right now, I can't help but wonder what the heck I am doing here. My heart has been broken over this past week. Loneliness and frustration have been overwhelming me these past 7 days. A yearning for something... Knowing that if I just moved back home things would be easier, and I would have my friends and family near, stinks. It stinks because I know I am supposed to be here. A promise is being fulfilled by me being here... but it still hurts. Friends and family back in Portland and Vancouver are still moving on in their lives and I get to find out over facebook instead of seeing them, or phone calls.

Building brand new relationships is very hard. Harder than anticipated, that's for sure. People are different here and everybody knows one another so coming into a group of tightly knit people is hard. There are a couple of families that have helped with the process and are helping me feel welcomed and loved, which is wonderfully unexpected. Someone once told me that, to me, "the grass will always be greener on the other side." Unfortunately, I think they might have been right. I can't seem to settle. My heart will always long for something more. Getting closer to Jesus helps but there is still something that my heart is longing for, I don't think I'll ever be able to peg it.

Jesus feels so far away. So far. I know He is around, but I feel so alone, so very alone.

There is a different spirit here in the Tricities. People hide who they are and it feels like you will never be able to see beyond what they show you (which is very little). There is such a small selection of people my age to build relationships with.

I am attempting to move forward but it seems that it must be done at a snail's pace.

That is my life thus far in the Tricities. It seems sad. But really it's not. I have 2 jobs, I have been blessed since being here thus far, and there are people here that love me:) 

This week has just been sadder than most:)


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