Thursday, February 4, 2010

I can rest assured.

I sit here, alone, in my pajamas still at 1:45 in the afternoon crying in desperation at my computer. If only because my anxious heart, my needy heart, my quick moving mind cannot stop moving, thinking, squeezing... Spending the whole morning in the Word, I realize that I have only just begun to know how much I mean to Jesus. I'm going through the book of John again and I cannot begin to express my wonder at Jesus and His love. So, I'm sitting here listening to Jesus Culture needing some...encouragement, I suppose, and the Spontaneous Song from the album a few years ago comes on.

The song is now on repeat. 

In the middle of it, Kim Walker sings, "I am my Beloved's and He is mine", over and over and over again. Song of Songs is one of my favorite books in the Bible and I know that verse comes from chapter 6, and my heart bursts at the thought of Jesus listening to me sing that and being pleased. When all the enemy wants me to think is that I am very unworthy to be called the King's Beloved, and I am. But as Jesus was adopted into the Line of David, so am I adopted into the line of Jesus, because He said so. John 1:12 tells me that I have power, as I have been adopted into the family of Christ. That thought means more to me than, I think, most people can understand.

Life has been really hectic lately, if only because of my own mistakes and Jesus is restoring me and breaking things in me that I didn't even know were there. But my brain hurts, my heart hurts, and my weary spirit is gaining Strength slowly, but surely. So to be really frank, I'm tired, weak, and weary from worrying and trying to fix everything. My head tells me that if I don't do it, it won't get done. My Jesus tells me, let me fix it and it will get done the right way. My quick fixes have only made things worse. The band aids I have put over my wounds have done nothing but cover the blood from flowing out of me, and still it leaks out... But Jesus says, "take off the band aids, and I'll heal it." When I hear that, immediately my brain starts up again running a thousand miles per hour as to how I can fix it.  
silly brain.

At the end of the song, Kim sings, "I can rest assured, cause I belong to You". 

So, I'm learning that I can rest assured, because I belong to Him. There is so much peace in that thought.






I'm trusting in You now Jesus, I know You won't let me down.

1 comment:

  1. You are worth it, all because Jesus said you were. I am made worth it, ONLY because He said I was worth it. We can't do this on our own. Silly humans. Silly independent women. God's much stronger than we are. He gives much more than we do. I am SO proud of you. I love the grace of God. I love that you are learning for the first time REALLY how important it is. You remember the mess I was in a year ago - God's grace and love is so much more than we think.

    I am SO proud of you.

    May God's grace be upon you all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an Undying Love.
    Ephesians 6:24

    May the flame of God consume your heart, and may His wind blow on YOUR garden, and may His sweet perfume surround you, and may His LOVE MERCY and GRACE and JUSTICE pour all around you.

    You deserve more than the enemy has allowed for you to think over the last... well - forever.

    I love you Nessa :)
    ALWAYS.
    Sam

    ReplyDelete